Fully Submerged
by Darktense34
Summary: She didn't understand. For someone so numb, these feelings were awfully painful. The water glittered across the river, courtesy of the moonlit sky, and she leaned forward ever so slightly. She felt herself drawn to the dark depths, wanting to get closer and closer. She wondered if they would miss her, or even notice she was gone. She chuckled dryly. No, that would require caring.
1. Detachment

**Hey, Readers. This is my first story I've ever written, and, to be honest, I have no idea where I'll be going with it. I mean, I have some ideas, but none are for sure. So, I'd appreciate if you just review to tell me your thoughts on it. I don't really care much for reviews, but I do care knowing that I'm doing okay, so, if it's not too much to ask, can you leave a review or even a follow or favorite just so I know I'm doing good? Thanks!**

-/-

She never believed in love. Not after the childhood she was brought up from. Sure, her father was rich and she was the heir to the Heartfilia Konzern, but that wasn't love. That was power. And, such power and influence would usually have made a child spoiled and ungrateful. But, fortunately, Lucy wasn't. Instead, she became an emotional wreck behind the walls she had instilled to protect herself.

When she was 6 years old her mother passed away, and, as much as she wished she hadn't died, she was glad Layla was given a painless death during her sleep. Even as a child, she could tell her mother had been suffering. She just hadn't known what from at the time. Until now, at least.

The family doctor that her father hired to examine what could have affected her mother's health so badly had diagnosed it as just another case of major depression. And she was proving to be more and more like Layla everyday. She was never officially diagnosed, but she could tell. That life with no friends or family had done a number on her. She only had acquaintances during that time, and they were the staff of the mansion. On a good day, a maid or a butler would exchange a few "how are you?"s or "good morning"s and she would return them in politeness, but that was all she ever received. She hadn't seen her father come out of that damn office of his for several years.

At a younger age, she had attempted to earn her father's love by making a plate of rice balls, only to have them be splattered across the marble flooring as he swiped the tray off his oak wood work desk. The profanities he had screamed still rang in her ears to this day, and she doubted that they would ever leave.

She closed her eyes and sighed.

It would do her no good to dwell on the past when she has her entire future in front of her. She was in Fairy Tail's hands and that's the safest place for her to be right now. Surrounding herself with happy people would eventually make her happy. Or, it could contribute to building up a mask of false joy, in her case. She didn't want to fake it, though. She wanted to be herself around her nakama, but her insecurities remained even after they had assured her prior to her joining that they would always love their family no matter what. She still had problems accepting that, even with all she and the guild had been through within the year she had been there. She knew that the mask she had formulated would crack and crumble at some point. She knew that from the very beginning, but sparing her nakama the pain of seeing her face blank and eyes clear of all emotion seemed like a better option than showing off the emptiness she truly felt.

She internally groaned in frustration, dropping her head to the guild table with a thud. A few of the early members looked over in surprise, before brushing off the blonde's rare presentation of detachment. Except for one, who furrowed her brow in concern while towelling a glass behind the bar.

_**How much longer can you keep up this charade, Lucy? You'll have to give in eventually.**__ No, I don't. I-I can keep doing it. I owe it to them. They've done so much for me already, and I'm not going to burden them with anymore of my problems. __**Sureeee, we'll see how that works out for you.**_

She clenched her fists. That damn voice always knew exactly what to say to push her buttons. And, why was it that she always stuttered her retorts to the traitorous voice?

**_Because you don't want to accept the truth. You know I'm right, Lu._** She held back a growl as she grit her teeth. It was official. If she hadn't hated the voice before then, she definitely did now. _**Come now, that's not nice,**_ the voice laughed.

She quietly let out a disgruntled hiss she had been holding in. She was pretty sure that her nails had pierced her palms by now. This voice was grating on her nerves. Even though she knew everything it said was true, it's not like she could just slide the disguise off so suddenly. It would have to happen gradually over time or they would notice something was wrong.

_**Really? You think they actually care? Ha! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard from you.**__ Stop, Lucy, its just playing with you. They do care. They do care. They do care. They do ca-_ A soft hand on her shoulder interrupted her mantra. She lifted her head from the table with a quick smile plastered on her face, acting as if she wasn't going crazy arguing with herself. Her chocolate eyes met Mira's worried, blue shades. She angled her body towards Fairy Tail's resident barmaid with a questioning look upon her face.

"Hey, Mira," she greeted. "What's up?" She pushed down the nervousness as best she could. She had a feeling this wasn't going to go down as well as she wanted it to.

"Hey, Lucy. How are you?" Lucy kept her composure on the outside, but on the inside she was so skittish she was scared that she would jump out of her skin.

"Oh, I'm good. Just like normal," Oh God, she probably just fucked that up. Why did she have to add that last part? She winced inwardly. Now, Mira will know something's up. For a second, her mask cracked and her edgy features seeped through before it was sucked back up into the confines of a replacement. She glued on a spurious grin before replaying the question in politeness.

"Same," Mira answered with knowing glint in her sapphire eyes. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shitshitshitshitshit.

Mira knew.

Mira_ knew_.

_Mira_ knew.

Shit.

**_You done?_** the voice asked sarcastically. **_You curse like a sailor._**

_Shut. Up. This is serious._

**_Just be glad they don't hear you. God knows what they'd think then,_** it snickered.

She growled. Damn voice.

"Lucy? Lucy? Lucy, are you okay?" Seconds after, she became aware of the hand waving in front of her face as her eyes refocused on reality. "Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine, Mira," she replied.

"Why do you ask?" Lucy was hoping that her friend was just asking, and not because her insanity was finally shining out even though she had already established that Mira knew something was up.

Mira made her sweet, innocent smile. "No reason."

Yup, that definitely confirmed it. Mira only ever did that when she knew something, and, though Mira didn't know what it was she knew, she obviously realized she knew great of importance.

Damn. This wasn't going to turn out well. Why did she have to be friends with Magnolia's biggest gossip?

Lucy settled for a look of confusion before faking a shrug of disinterest. _**Oooo, ha, ha, ha! Somebody's already on your case. What what will our favorite crazy do, folks? Keep up the façade, or grow up and quit being A FAKE?!**_ Lucy wouldn't deny it. That last one got to her. And it made her wonder if the voice was right. Was she really a fake? Did she need to grow up? _NO, you are NOT a fake. You are perfectly fine the way you are. This is a sacrifice. For Fairy Tail. For nakama. It's worth it. Don't let the voice get to you._

It was quiet for a moment. Mira, wiping down Lucy's table with a wet rag, looked over during the blonde's musings and narrowed her eyes at the blank expression of the blonde's face. She refrained from shivering. It was kind of unsettling.

"Lucy?" The white haired girl questioned. She watched as the celestial mage jumped slightly in her chair. Lucy's eyes widened for a split second before throwing on a fraud veil of curiosity over herself.

"Yeah?"

Mira looked her straight in the eye, traces of her earlier smile were long gone and replaced with an earnest demeanor. Lucy was caught off guard and Mira noted it. Something was wrong with Lucy, and Mira needed to find out. And she would. She would just have to be patient.

"You know you can come to me if you ever need to talk, right?" She imperturbably awaited the response the - even more now - surprised blonde, who nodded dumbly, not trusting her voice at the time. Mira smiled and bided her goodbye as Cana walked through the guild doors.

Lucy didn't know how long she sat there staring at the table. She just knew it was still early and she was tired as hell. Home sounded like a good idea. Warm bed, soft pyjamas, and a blissful, dreamless sleep. Yeah, home sounded really good.

-/-

Mira watched worriedly from her place behind the bar counter. Lucy was acting odd and, so far, she was the only one that saw it. The nerves in her stomach rattled as she observed the Stellar Mage nod to herself, obviously in deeper thought than earlier. The eldest Strauss' eyes followed the blonde move out of the guild, practically unseen. She sighed.

Cana paused her binge, eyes flickering up with a questioning look on her face at Mira's unusual behavior. Generally, the white haired woman would be all smiley and carefree, so the creases upon her brow were rather strange to witness. After a few minutes of scrutinizing the S-class's stare into space with a distraught appearance while drying the same glass, she spoke up.

"What's wrong?" Maybe it was just catching her off guard that made Mira jump, or the serious look Cana had presented her with.

Or, maybe it was the realization that the Card mage had stopped drinking.

Mira struggled for the right words. This wasn't gossip. This was valuable information that shouldn't be spoken of until Lucy came out about it. The barmaid wasn't even aware of the actually problem, but she could tell when something needed to be hushed. She wasn't stupid, just incredibly worried. As Cana's gaze intensified, Mira knew it was impossible to avoid the awaiting confrontation forever. Who knew how long it would be until Lucy was ready to come out about whatever it was that was bothering her.

"What's wrong, Mira." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Cana wanted an answer and Mira would deliver it.

"Nothing," she replied in her usual, bubbly tone, adding a sweet smile to sell her friend. Cana didn't buy it.

The brown haired woman set her barrel on the counter and stood up abruptly - startling the Take-Over mage and garnering the attention of the few early guild members in the vicinity. "Don't lie to me," the alcoholic said in equanimity. "I've never seen you like this."

The S-class cringed inwardly. She knew there was no way she would last against Cana's persistence. The Card mage would end up glaring at her if she played it down and Mira was never able to handle her glare. True, she hadn't seen it very often, but when she did she always gave in. Offhandedly, Mira wondered if her glare had ever bothered Cana when they were kids. Then she remembered the terrifying eyes boring into her, awaiting a response. She quickly weighed her options: she could come up with something very convincing and risk getting caught later, she could tell Cana, or she could tell Cana and ask for her help. After careful consideration, she decided on Option C. She bowed her head and apologized.

"It's fine, but what's wrong? You look like you're really focused on that glass," Cana joked with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. "You've been drying it for, like, 5 minutes."

Mira blushed a light shade in embarrassment and set the glass down. "Can we go somewhere else to talk? In private," she added the last part, seeing as half of the early members were still looking in their direction. "It's something I'd really like to keep secret."

Cana raised an eyebrow before her mouth formed into an involuntary 'O' as she caught onto the discrete tilt of Mira's head in the direction of the guild members that were still watching. She sneaked a quick peek at them. _Don't any of them have a life?_ They were still watching.

Obviously not.

She turned back to Mira and shrugged in response to her previous question. "Sure. Lead the way," gesturing with her arm. Smiling gratefully, Mira lifted the gate that connected the counter and let Cana behind the bar. Cana attempted to sneak a few bottles of wine, but Mira slapped her hand and made her walk in front of her into the kitchen.

"So what's up? Is something wrong?" Cana questioned as they entered, Mira closing the door behind them.

Mira was quiet for a moment, trying to piece the right words together like a puzzle prior to saying them, but nothing seemed to fit, so she gave up and came straight out with it. "I think something's wrong with Lucy."

Cana looked taken aback for a second before composing herself and raising a questioning eyebrow, silently telling Mira to elaborate. "I mean, she's been acting off lately. Her smiles seem forced and she's been almost unnoticably distant. And, just last night she passed out on one of the tables out there! She wasn't even drunk or anything!" Mira ranted worriedly, waving her arms around as she travelled from cabinet to cabinet, mentally taking inventory.

The Card mage stood in shock at the revelation. She had always considered herself perceptive, but for her not to pick up on it proved that Mira was more observant than the barmaid made herself out to be. Neither made a sound for several minutes. The air became heavy after Mira's much needed outburst as they both thought over any plausible reasons to Lucy's odd behavior. Cana broke the silence.

"When did you first notice?"

Mira sighed. "I don't know. Maybe a few weeks ago? I know couple days ago when she asked me for a milkshake I tried to make conversation about Team Natsu's last mission and she just . . . shut down. She was pretty quiet after that, finished her shake and went home. I think that's when I started to realize something was up."

The silence returned in the room and Mira was beginning to get freaked out. Cana looked even more serious than before, the gears turning in her head were practically visible. The Take-Over mage was not used to witnessing the uncharacteristic accounts of her friends, and it was starting to mess with her head, so she kept still at the kitchen counter fiddling with spices, waiting for the alcoholic to say something.

But Cana didn't say anything.

Mira's head snapped up at the familiar flop of her friend's sandals, and her jaw dropped in shock when she saw her move out the door. She couldn't keep the hurt from flashing across her face, nor the pain of betrayal that swirled in her sapphire eyes. I just told you something super confidential, and you walk away like it's nothing?! You better watch out, Cana, you may end up getting cut off for a very, very long time. Hurriedly, the barmaid followed the Card mage's actions and entered the bar.

She was quite surprised to see that, rather than downing as much of the toxic liquid as she was known to, Cana was rifling through the pages of Fairy Tail's mission log. "What are you doing?"

The brown haired woman merely glanced at her before her eyes continued scanning the entries. "You said you asked Lucy about a mission a few weeks ago, right?" Not waiting for a reply, Cana got to the point. "Well, maybe if we look into it, we can find out when and why she started acting weird."

Mira felt shame weave itself into her chest. How could she have even thought that Cana would just walk away from a problem, especially something as dour as this. They were Fairy Tail, for Mavis's sake! They didn't do that to each other, yet had Mira allowed herself to believe it. She swallowed the feeling down. "Good idea."

Cana just hummed and flipped another page. Mira decided to make herself useful and poured a mug of beer for her friend as a form of apology for doubting her, setting it on the counter next to the occupied woman. Cana mumbled a thanks, the mug already at her lips the second the glass touched the wooden surface.

Two mugs and five shots later, Cana flagged Mira down, having finally reached missions dated at least two weeks back. The barmaid quickly finished serving the guild members on the other side of the bar and rushed over to hear the results of Cana's search. "What'd you find?"

"Nothing helpful."

Mira's jaw dropped for the second time that day. "You're telling me that it took you-" she looked at the guild's wall clock "-an hour and a half to find nothing!?" Cana just shrugged. "Nothing very memorable has happened recently. Well, except the whole 'Edolas Thing,'" she said.

"And, Lissana coming back," Mira added, drying another glass subconsciously.

It was quiet as realization hit them both in the face with a possibility, and the air behind the bar counter became thicker. "Do you think that's the reason?" Mira asked, almost inaudibly, in consternation.

Cana thought it over before replying. "I'm starting to. I mean, think about it. Natsu and them could be so excited over Lis that they forget about Luce. Or, maybe she feels kinda like she's out of place or tagging along. A third wheel of sorts, I guess. It's possible either way, though."

Mira sighed and set down the - once again - over dried glass while Cana closed the mission log, putting it back under the bar in the shelf where she found it.

The quiet between them had returned, but didn't spread as far as it had before. Neither talked for a short time, the two friends relishing the silence, pondering the next step in their current quandary. "You should work the bar with me today. That way you can see how different she acts," the S-Class suggested after a while.

"As long as I get free drinks." Mira smiled. "Of course."

-/-

Uploaded: 11/1/14

**Again, thanks for reading. Please, please, ****_please_****, let me know if I'm doing a good job. Anyway, I'm not sure if this will be continued as it kind of just... happened, but I'm definitely going to try. Also, if I do continue it, I don't know when updates will be. School absolutely SUCKS and I never have time for anything, so I apologize for update times in advance. **

**I think that's all, so ...yeah. Thanks!**

**Darktense34**


	2. Nightmares

**Hey, Guys! I'm really sorry it took me this long to write this. I just couldn't find the time to get it in. I know this is shorter than the first chapter, but I wanted to get something out.**

**Next time I start a story, I'm gonna write the whole thing before I post it. So much easier.**

**Thanks! Reviews and stuff are at the bottom.**

**Now, ENJOY!**

They had been working all day at the "observation deck," also known to the rest of the guild as the bar, serving food and drinks to the ordering members, but not once had they spotted Lucy. Mira was starting to get anxious.

"Cana, I think one of us should go check and see if she's alright." The original barmaid confessed, over-drying a glass.

Cana hopped over the counter and walked into the kitchen with a few dirty dishes stacked in her hands. "Why? Stop worrying so much. She probably just slept in. You know how tired she was this morning."

Mira sighed. "I know, but I can't help it if I'm worried," she said, following Cana into the kitchen. "What if something_did_ happen to her?"

Cana set the dishes in the sink and turned to her friend. Mira blushed in embarrassment as Cana took the glass she was still drying out of her hands, setting it on the counter. She really needed to kick that habit. "Look, I understand why you would be worried, but I seriously doubt anything has happened since she left."

"I know, but-"

"_Mira_," Cana stopped her before she could go on. "Quit worrying. If something happened, I'm sure Lucy would tell us," she squeezed the barmaid's shoulder comfortingly.

The Take-Over mage sighed again and followed Cana back into the bar. She couldn't help but believe Cana's words. She seemed earnest, almost as if she understood the situation more than others. Like she's been through something similar. Mira narrowed her eyes is suspicion. Could she...? No, there's no way Cana... Her thoughts trailed off at the realization of her hypocrisy. You have no room to judge, she told herself.

Back in the "observation deck," Mira refilled Macao and Wakaba's glasses while Cana enjoyed a long, hearty swig from her free barrel. She shook her head in hopes of dropping the pensive mood and plastering on a smile, no matter how hard she'd have to pretend, but she simply could not do it. Her mind was focused purely on Lucy and what was wrong, but she also knew that Cana was right on telling her not to worry. Lucy was a strong woman and she could handle the situation - whatever it was - on her own, with support if needed. Plus, Sorcerer Weekly would not be happy about any creases she may acquire from being so overly concerned.

She blew a puff of air out her cheeks, a frustrated look overtaking her features as she grabbed a wet rag and wiped down the counter. It just wasn't fair. An innocent soul like Lucy shouldn't have to go through something so bad that she felt she couldn't come to Fairy Tail, the most accepting place in all of Earthland, with it; something that Mira, and possibly Cana, barely made it out of. It just wasn't fair.

_Not to Lucy..._

Mira allowed herself a short break to breathe, leaning on her elbows and hunching over the counter. She needed to stop thinking about it. No good would come out of this if Mira wasn't ready to jump in at a moment's notice to help, and she couldn't do that if she was emotionally,physically, and/or mentally exhausted from the stress of it all.

She sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time today. She was unable to do anything to further succor Lucy at the moment, she knew. She would have to wait. Give this - whatever it was - some time.

She rested her eyes in her rare moment of peace. Just give it some time.

Mira never knew that following such earnest advice would end up being her greatest regret.

-/-

Lucy sat on the stone walk in front of the river, holding her knees to her chest. The moon shone down over the few tall buildings in Magnolia and onto the gelid liquid, lighting it up in shades of blues and whites while the stars that were bright enough would reflect off the surface. She would often come down here from her apartment just to marvel at the excellence nature presented, and she had to admit that it was beautiful.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, as if it would help sharpen the amazing view even more. She had slept most of the day away, but she needed some fresh air, despite the lingering cold, before she went back inside. The frigid wind blew gently, unsettling the water and making her shiver as it broke through the fuzzy barrier of her hoodie and sweat pants. She pulled up the hood and hid in her blonde hair, sighing deeply. Maybe fresh air really wasn't a good idea.

Her eyes bored into the dark depths, feeling that slight connection that she always did. It was soothing, knowing that she could relate to something-even if it was exactly that, a something, not a person or a living being. The water and her were different, true, but they were more alike than anyone would be comfortable pointing out.

Water fills up most of the world the same way Lucy temporarily filled up the holes in their hearts. Water was good enough to make up most of the world, but not all of it, the same way Lucy was good enough to patch up the void their old friend left behind, but not enough to keep it sealed when she came back. Water was used everyday, being polluted and corrupted by the disgustingness of human kind the same way Lucy felt after being blown off by her best friend so many times.

Water and her were alike. Both were taken for granted.

They were only good enough and nothing more.

She shook her head to clear her mind of thoughts. She found the moon, a faintly yellow, waxing crescent light in the sky, and the corners of her lips tilted upwards. The gleaming space rock reminded her of her mother's eyes before they lost all their light, and the stars evoked memories of the sparkles that danced in them every time they used to meet with Lucy's own. She felt tears fall from her eyes, darkening the grey fabric of her sweats as they spotted her her knees.

She convinced herself the moon was her mother smiling down on her from Heaven, watching over her and assisting her through her struggles. The letters she wrote everyday would never be read by the one entitled, she knew, but the process was therapeutic and simple, helping her pick through and untangle the knot of feelings she had unknowingly constructed.

_One letter at a time_, she smirked wryly at the moon, content with her new found feeling of peace, but it was promptly replaced with a frown at the comment The Voice.

_**Tree Killer.**_

_Ah, so you're back now?_ Lucy inwardly cheered, congratulating her non-stutter with well deserved bonus points.

**_Yup, it said, popping the 'p.'_**

_Great. This will be so much fun._

_**Isn't it?**_ The Voice replied, obviously not detecting her use of sarcasm or ignoring it. I can't wait to get started!

Lucy sweatdropped, beginning to feel wary at The Voice's odd, sudden giddiness. Her confidence started to waver. She hoped it wasn't starting again...

_Y-Yay._

_**I know right! We can go home and curl up in bed and, while you try to go to sleep,**_ its sudden excitement became malicious and abrasive. **_I can cause you pain by talking about the stuff you don't want to talk about, and bring up the past and stuff._**

By the end of The Voice's suggestion, Lucy was terrified and on the verge of tears. Her heart was beating against her ribcage and her palms were becoming clammy. Lucy didn't use the word 'hate' often, only when she was absolutely sure that she wanted what she hated to die, but...

_She hated it._ The past... Talking about it or remembering. She hated The Voice for it, causing her more pain. She hated The Voice for making her hurt so much she couldn't tell the difference between pain and relief.

She hated it for making her numb.

_We're not doing that! I won't go through that anymore!_ Lucy screamed bloody murder in her mind and the victimized feeling she was experiencing only increased, knowing she had no choice in the matter. Tears of anguish pooled at her eyes, staining her cheeks as they rushed down.

She wanted it to stop, for it all to end. This pain... It was eating her apart, gutting its way through her stomach and up to her heart. She was lucky to have a day without The Voice committing its injustices against her, and when it returned its remarks were three times more scathing. She didn't understand. She couldn't understand, couldn't wrap her mind around it. It was just...

_Impossible._

**_Well, of course it is, Lu,_** The Voice talked down to her condescendingly. **_It always was. Ya know, for such a smart girl, you're very stupid. Can't even control what happens in your mind. It's sad, really._**

Lucy remained silent, on her knees gazing into the dark depths of the river. Tears still rained down, slowly trekking down to the ground, leaving her eyes red and puffy.

_**You said you wanted it to end, didn't you?**_ The Voice questioned after a few minutes. Receiving no response, it continued, almost sympathetically. **_There's a easy fix to that._**

Lucy's eyes widened in realization of what The Voice was saying, falling from her knees to a crab-walk position as she backpedalled away from the water frantically. Her hood fell off, unveiling her horrified expression.

"N-no... N-no, I-i... I-i won't do that..." she stammered, completely appalled and the slightest bit sickened. She didn't even realize she was speaking aloud.

_**OH, come ON!**_ The Voice complained.**_ You SAID you wanted it to end. This is the easiest solution._**

"T-That... That isn't even a solution," she disagreed. "T-That's p-p-permanent."

Maybe she should take back those non-stuttering bonus points.

The Voice laughed, a disturbing, haunting echo resonating through her fragile mind, and Lucy felt dread pit in her stomach.

_**That's okay, Lucy, Dear. You'll have all of tonight to think about it!**_

Lucy's eyes widened and she jumped up from her position on the ground, her feet slapping the pavement as she ran to her apartment. She couldn't believe it had gotten so bad in the little time she tried to break away. She knew she shouldn't have stopped, knew she wasn't ready to handle it on her own, but she did it anyway and now she was paying the price. The blonde roughly shoved the house key into the door slot, turned it, pulled it out and shoved it back into her hoodie pocket, booking it up the stairs into her home away from home. She snatched up a clean glass from the littered kitchen table and rushed to the bathroom, growing stiff in front of the sink where she stopped, completely frozen. Her thin eyebrows scrunched together, indecisive.

_Do... Do I really want to give up? I was doing pretty good. _

And for a second, she hesitated, her fingertips stopping mere inches from the cool metal that edged the mirror cabinet's side. _**Yeah, you were doin' better than I thought you would, but here you are again; giving up. You really are weak, aren't you?**_

It was provoking her, taunting her, waiting for her to leap up, do a trick, and take the bait. She knew. Oh, she knew well, but that word, that damned word... It reverberated, replaying itself on a loop for The Voice's sadistic satisfaction of seeing her fright. A bitter taste filled her mouth.

_Weak._

She did not like that word.

She refused to believe it. Because she wasn't weak. Was she...?

_No._

No, she wasn't weak. She was just getting some help. It's not like she was cheating or anything.

Her hand moved towards the mirror cabinet again, pulling it open and revealing shelves of orange and white pill bottles, cheap razors, gauze, band aids, and other medical supplies. One could never be too careful, despite the fact that she was the only one to know where the treatment reserve was located.

**_Ah, back to those again, I see. To bad they won't save you tonight... Or tomorrow, or the next day._**

She ignored The Voice's comment as her fingers found one of the many cylindrical containers, a white one nearly empty of its contents. She spun the cap off and took a yellow and blue capsule to her tongue, filling up the cup she had grabbed with water. She swallowed the pill down like she did her pain, a quick, hard gulp as she reigned in her raging emotions. It wouldn't be too long before it kicked in, maybe a few weeks or so. Until then, she'd just have to make do.

She could feel it. That cold that came back after an episode, the dismal numbness that existed in her dying soul and the decaying of her heart as she fell apart with each one.

And, despite feeling nothing, it hurt.

She was unsure of where, what, or why it hurt, only aware that it did.

It really hurt.

She didn't want to move. Her body ached all over and she was still out of breath from the run, not to mention the disarray of emotions she was at the moment. She wanted to stay still, motionless until the pain went away. Setting the bottle on the counter, she slipped of her shoes and grabbed a few thick bath towels from the cabinet under the sink, folding them and spreading them across the bottom of the bath tub as a makeshift cushion. She flipped the light switch on the wall, enveloping the room in the darkness, and opted to use her fluffy pink robe as a blanket as she eased herself into the acrylic tub.

She wouldn't have to worry about anyone finding her like this in the morning, hair a mess, tear tracks and mascara stains, face pale and sunken in. Natsu had informed her that he was taking Lissana fishing with Happy, Erza was supposed to be taking another mission, and Gray should be to busy avoiding Juvia all over the guild.

She sighed and closed her dull eyes, mentally preparing herself for the horrors she would bear witness to in her dreamscape.

_A little while longer. Just a week or two. Then, I'll be better again. I won't have to fake it anymore. I'll be able to smile an actual smile again._

_I'll be able to FEEL again._

**Okay, so... REVIEW TIME!**

**Person(guest): ****_For what the plot is hinting at—theLucy leaves cliché— it seems to be very well written, and very intreguing. I'm interested to see more, so, update soon please._**

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. You were my first reviewer, too! I would give you a reward or prize, but I always feel that digital cookies are never enough. Anyway, I'm sorry I took so long. Life just sucks at the moment. But, as for the "Lucy leaves cliché" thing... Well, I'm going to put my own spin on things. Lucy _will _leave, but not in the way you expect. ;)

**yolandachiku: ****_pero pronto el siguiente capitulo me gusto mucho saludos y cuídate!_**

Ok, I used google translate for and it says:_ but soon the next chapter I really liked greetings and beware! _I gather that you like it, so thanks!

**Ebony(guest): ****_Cool, no pairings? Also this is awesome_**

Thanks! Honestly, I hadn't really thought about it. In the way I'm laying the story map in my head, I can't really see any, but I could always do something one-sided. I'll think more on it. ^^

**Demonmiko14: ****_Oh yeah...you're doing a great job. Please please PLEASE update soon because the suspence will strangle me and I won't be able to sleep!_**

Thanks! I'm sorry I took, like, a month to update. And, um, I really hope you didn't die from the suspense and aren't an insomniac... but you probably are by now. Sweet dreams!

**Ebbie(guest): ****_Please continue this!_**

I'm really trying to. Thanks for reading!

**mindlessrazor: ****_Write more please_**

I'm trying to. I have a lot of stuff going on, but I'll try my best.

**nikkiw67: ****_I like it! I like that Lucy has more then one conversation with the voices in her head, anf that she subconciously ends up doing What the voices want (her isolated at home sleeping and pushing herself further into a depressed state) and I love how you even showed Mira's inner demons with her Exchange with Cana. Next chapter should be interesting thank Mavis its already up! :)_**

I'm glad you liked it! I've read a lot of the cliche ones and I'm trying to steer away from the whole "Lucy leaves the guild" and the "everyone calls her weak" things. I love how you picked up on all that. Sorry about the second chapter being an AN at first. I was kinda stuck on where to go with it and was like "Screw this. I could be writing a _planned out_ story right now!" but, then a friend talked some sense into me, saying something along the lines of,"Your are _not_ a quiter. And, ******" and so; here we are. Now that I got a real chapter up, I think we should _ALL_ be thanking Mavis! ;) Took forever, but here it is! Thanks so much, by the way!

**NaLu4Ever13:**_** I'm really interested in this fanfic. I liked how you made it different from all the other cliche 'Lisanna comes back' stories. I'm definitely looking forward to future chapters :)**_

Thanks! I'm really glad - and surprised - by how many people like this. I'm trying to steer away from the cliches. They get so repetitive sometimes, so I'm going for originality, but I think there's another story that's similar to what I'm aiming at. Trying to avoid clashing similarities the best I can. Thanks, again!

**A BIG thanks to all my followers and favorites:** sakura-oneesan, BookLover2401, mindlessrazor, KlausMikelson, Talia67, Penny The Queen of Imagination, Aura21271, Princess Inwe, .984, UnknownDaRk,Demonmiko14, Raine Amorial, ChaoticDucky, Jaylin-Raven-100, AztecBrat, Tails for Fairys, SilentMockingjay, and princessatj .

**Thank you ALL! I'll try to get chapter 3 up as soon as I can, but please bare with me.**

**Love you, Guys!**


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